New Orleans- Pt. 1

I think it's only right that I share about the trip to New Orleans/Memphis. So...here you go. Try to keep up, monkeys.

Day Numero Uno- Wake up at 3am to catch an 8am flight in San Fran/ Text Lauren to make sure she's awake/ No response/ Have sneaking suspicion but....nah/ Call Lauren, no answer/ Pretty sure my suspicions are correct/Arrive at Lauren's/ No lights on/ Not a good sign/ Knock/ No answer/ Bang as hard as I can on the door/ No answer/ Call her again/ No answer/ Consider climbing her fence but is luckily saved by her answering door/ "What time is it???" asked by a half asleep Lauren/ Oh, it's 4:40am- we needed to leave 40 minutes ago/ "SHIT!"/ Okay, then, I'll be waiting in the car/ 20 minutes later, we're off/ Yada, yada, yada...arrive at airport, take off, it's all good/ Lauren's legs don't fit in a normal sized airplane seat and all I see the whole plane ride is her uncomfortable little face, which is pretty damn funny/ Lay-over in L.A./ Why do men here do their hair and wear real man shoes?/ Why can't men in Monterey do that?/ Why is everyone rude?/ Yay, we're leaving L.A./ Arrive in New Orleans 4 hours later and are off to our fabulous Hotel Monteleone with the help of a $33 cab ride/ Showers & costume change...we're ready to go out/ Dinner at Pat O's with Jambalaya and Crawfish Etouffee/ Hurricane's (oh dear me...holy rum, batman)/ Getting hit on by busser/ Chef coming out of kitchen to look at us (the kitchen door was directly behind my chair...not that far to look)/ By the way, large convention in town and every man walking past our table is middle aged and letting their eyes wander a little too much/ After the uncomfortable dinner we find a club (surprised?)/Cocktail waitress doing body shot off of hairy man's stomach/ Ew/ Meet the guy who was in the Six Flags commercials as the old man dancing...or so he said/ Not really the right approach to pick up chicks but okay/ Have both of our tummies pinched/ Have my ass pinched/ "Don't touch my ass"/ "Seriously, don't touch my ass"/ Leave club...weirdos/ Arrive at new club with live band/ Much less creepy/ Sarah is a happy camper...live music!/ Dance, dance, dance/ Leave at approximately 3am with two stiff drinks in hand/ Lauren falls...but keeps the drink/ Get back to hotel and promptly pass out/ Happy....

Day Two- Itinerary says 8am wake up call/ We wake up around 10am/ Sarah is very hungover/ Truly realize that we have the smallest bathroom ever/ Non-impressive breakfast (which was kind of heartbreaking)/ Antique browsing ($14ok for a clock. For a clock!)/ Swamp tour van picks us up/ Driver gives us the low down on Hurricane Katrina/ Unbelievable...hospitals are still left vacant/ Houses completely deserted/ Didn't realize/ Arrive at swamp 4o minutes later/ They don't take cards/ All we have are cards/ "Are you kidding me?"/ "Well, I guess we could just call it in"/ "Yeah, how about that"/ Captain Jack takes us out/ Sadly, Captain Jack was not Johnny Depp/ Beautiful & peaceful!/ We hold a baby alligator!/ Starting to think Lauren and I are the only blondes in Louisiana from all the attention we're getting from Captain Jack (and the busser the night before)/ Another 40 minute ride back to the hotel... sleepy/ Sit at the Carousel Bar that revolves very slowly/ Doesn't know why she expected anything other than this but...feels like throwing up/ Dinner at Mr. B's/ In love.... Kobe Beef Brisket, Goat Cheese Macaroni and Haricot Verts/ BREAD PUDDING/ Back to hotel/ Watch So You Think You Can Dance/ Asleep by 9pm...which I never ever do/ Ahhh

I think I'm going to have to do this in installments...betcha you're at the edge of your seat, huh? Yeah. I know.