You know how they say "An eye for an eye"? Well, I think that it should also be fair to say "A boot for a boot". In other words, if you put a boot on my car I should be able to put a boot up your ass. Fair.
Ugh. See what I meant by Suckuarys?
I had five parking tickets. Big deal. Two for no front license plate and three for street cleaning. For that, I got a boot on my car. And because this dude was a dick, he added a little insult to injury by giving me a ticket for not turning my wheels correctly. He was even nice enough to leave me a handy dandy little diagram on how to park my car. Did you know that it's not enough to turn your wheels? Oh no. They must also be touching the curb. Three inches away? Not good enough, little missy. That'll be $50, thank you very much.
I think this calls for a little something called "rip-roaring drunk" and a box of something deliciously bad for me.
Roses and sunshine will be here soon, I'm sure. But for now...I'm going to go stick my head in a hole.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Suckuarys
January & February are by far my least favorite months of the year. It seems to never fail...shit goes wrong in these two months. Every year New Year's Day comes along and I timidly stick my little feet out into the new year only to have life be a dick.
Let me share with you exactly why I hate these months...
1. The lack of sunshine. I'm a grumpy gus when I don't get my vitamin D. Truth!
2. The cold. Let me clarify...the cold without snow. Cold without snow is just pointless. Everyone knows that!
3. The flu. Never fails. January = Flu Time for Sarah. Luckily for me it hit on New Year's Eve this year! Hooray!
4. Everyone and their mama is cranky because of the lack of sunshine & cold weather. Say hello to asshole drivers, bitchy supermarket shoppers and difficult clients.
5. Valentine's Day. Let's just say that I have a history with this holiday and let's just say that if it were a real life person I'd kick it in its no-no spot. My darling boyfriend has assured me that I shouldn't look at it this way but...even if I have a perfect person to spend the day with I'll likely fall down stairs or split my skirt up my ass. It's just what happens.
6. And finally, I swear, that these two months are perpetually under the spell of a full moon. Something is just "off". Things don't go as they should, accidents happen, people act strange, yada yada yada. It's just plain bad.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, are why bears hibernate.
Not really.
Let me share with you exactly why I hate these months...
1. The lack of sunshine. I'm a grumpy gus when I don't get my vitamin D. Truth!
2. The cold. Let me clarify...the cold without snow. Cold without snow is just pointless. Everyone knows that!
3. The flu. Never fails. January = Flu Time for Sarah. Luckily for me it hit on New Year's Eve this year! Hooray!
4. Everyone and their mama is cranky because of the lack of sunshine & cold weather. Say hello to asshole drivers, bitchy supermarket shoppers and difficult clients.
5. Valentine's Day. Let's just say that I have a history with this holiday and let's just say that if it were a real life person I'd kick it in its no-no spot. My darling boyfriend has assured me that I shouldn't look at it this way but...even if I have a perfect person to spend the day with I'll likely fall down stairs or split my skirt up my ass. It's just what happens.
6. And finally, I swear, that these two months are perpetually under the spell of a full moon. Something is just "off". Things don't go as they should, accidents happen, people act strange, yada yada yada. It's just plain bad.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, are why bears hibernate.
Not really.
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