Monday, December 24, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Where Is The Fire Water When I Need It?
War. Path.
Being a woman sometimes brings about a certain kind of rage that leaves her wanting to hurt someone or break something. And sometimes that rage comes after many many moments of simply "handling" it. It comes after what the other party sees as one seemingly innocuous action. Just remember that chances are it's been building for a while. Consideration and kindness will get you out of her certain need to see blood. And whatever you do, do not tell her to just be happy. 'Cause she might just kick you in the shins. And it'd be your own damn fault.
Being a woman sometimes brings about a certain kind of rage that leaves her wanting to hurt someone or break something. And sometimes that rage comes after many many moments of simply "handling" it. It comes after what the other party sees as one seemingly innocuous action. Just remember that chances are it's been building for a while. Consideration and kindness will get you out of her certain need to see blood. And whatever you do, do not tell her to just be happy. 'Cause she might just kick you in the shins. And it'd be your own damn fault.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Wrong Answer
A snippet from a conversation between my boyfriend and my 6-year old cousin, Jonah...
Matt: From here on out I only answer to "Coolest Uncle In The World".
Jonah: Okay...
*Silence*
Jonah: Coolest Uncle In The World?
Matt: Yes?
Jonah: I love you.
*Wait for it...wait for it...*
Matt: Thanks.
*At which point I break in...*
Sarah: Not appropriate response!
Matt: What? Oh. Sorry! Love you too, booger.
He's special. But he's my special one.
Matt: From here on out I only answer to "Coolest Uncle In The World".
Jonah: Okay...
*Silence*
Jonah: Coolest Uncle In The World?
Matt: Yes?
Jonah: I love you.
*Wait for it...wait for it...*
Matt: Thanks.
*At which point I break in...*
Sarah: Not appropriate response!
Matt: What? Oh. Sorry! Love you too, booger.
He's special. But he's my special one.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Chromed Out Perspective
I'm working with Bentley this week for the famous Concours d'Elegance and just like last year, it's been eye opening.
Now y'all, I work in events. And not just mom and pop events, no. I work with some hoity-toity (I just had to look up that spelling...don't think I've ever had to write that!) clients and venues. Their budgets for their weddings are more than I make in a year. Extravagant, yes? Well, apparently it's not.
The amount of money walking around the Monterey Peninsula this week is mind bottling (to quote a favorite anchorman of mine...). People who own 16 Ferrari's. A 1966 Ford that sold for $10 million when it was valued between $6-9 million (eh, what's an extra million?). Test drives for the newest Bentley's? No thanks, they own them all already.
It's all about perspective, right? Well, I think there's perspective and then there is "no way in freakin' hell". I can't even wrap my mind around it. Last night was Bentley's signature party and I struck up a conversation with a guy who seemed to be around my age. He asked if I owned a Bentley. I smiled and said, as gracefully as I could, no. To which he replied, "Well, you should. That should be your next car". And it dawned on me that for him to drop $250k on a car equates to me dropping $80 on a pair of shoes. Mind. Boggled.
But he also shared something amazing with me. Apparently Justin Beiber owns this car:
Now y'all, I work in events. And not just mom and pop events, no. I work with some hoity-toity (I just had to look up that spelling...don't think I've ever had to write that!) clients and venues. Their budgets for their weddings are more than I make in a year. Extravagant, yes? Well, apparently it's not.
The amount of money walking around the Monterey Peninsula this week is mind bottling (to quote a favorite anchorman of mine...). People who own 16 Ferrari's. A 1966 Ford that sold for $10 million when it was valued between $6-9 million (eh, what's an extra million?). Test drives for the newest Bentley's? No thanks, they own them all already.
It's all about perspective, right? Well, I think there's perspective and then there is "no way in freakin' hell". I can't even wrap my mind around it. Last night was Bentley's signature party and I struck up a conversation with a guy who seemed to be around my age. He asked if I owned a Bentley. I smiled and said, as gracefully as I could, no. To which he replied, "Well, you should. That should be your next car". And it dawned on me that for him to drop $250k on a car equates to me dropping $80 on a pair of shoes. Mind. Boggled.
But he also shared something amazing with me. Apparently Justin Beiber owns this car:
Know what this says to me? Douchebag in training. Watch out, Selena Gomez. Mark my words. He may not be a DB yet but he is well on his way.
Love this life of mine. The balance of it is insane. I have weeks where I'm quite literally barefoot in the dirt playing with baby cousins, eating barbecue and barely bothering with doing hair & make-up. Then other weeks I'm surrounded by million dollar cars, people worth billions, eating some of the finest food around at some of the most exclusive venues in the world. And you know what I've learned? All the money and fanciness is worthless without the knowledge of what really matters in life.
Perspective. Bam.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
One Way Ticket To Venus
By now you all know that I'm a thinker. Too much of a thinker sometimes but a thinker nonetheless. So... I've been thinking. About men. About women. And about how we interact. Our needs, our wants and how sometimes they seem to be in direct conflict with one another.
Let's start with the guys. Keep in mind that I am a woman and will self-admittedly say that I don't really know what goes through your head. There is woman logic and there is man logic and all too often I find that they are in direct conflict with one another. But let me call it how I see it. Guys fall in love with a lovely little lady. They woo her. Buy her flowers, take her out, do all those special little things to ensure that she chooses him. It's a survival of the fittest thing, I'm sure. You primal animals, you. And then you win us over. We settle into "girlfriend" mode. We start doing our own primal things. Some of us turn into a mixture of Betty Crocker meets Martha Stewart. We fuss over you, make sure you're taking care of yourself and start the process of nesting.
Then something funny happens. The guy settles into his relationship mode. His humor that once had a sprinkle of sweetness is now only humor. Guy humor. Humor which we all know can be cutting sometimes. Flowers? Why? He sees her all the time now. And since he does see her all the time why would he text her with sweet nothings? It's not that he doesn't think of her during the day but its more about efficiency. He'll see her later. When does he have time to get flowers? Little "I saw this and thought of you" gifts? Again, why? Chances are he's spent a lot of money on his girl already at this point. His logic? "She knows I think of/love/care about her". All of those sweet idiosyncrasies before were, to use a metaphor that guys will relate to, like a fishing lure. He's got her, she knows she is his, knows he wants her (otherwise he'd throw her back) so what's the big deal?
Well, gentlemen, let me share the big deal. Here is some insight into how women deal. When we are being woo'ed there is a chance that at first we are hesitant about you. We need a little time to figure out your motives, whether you're a loser who masquerades as an upstanding guy, whether you're a self-centered asshole, whether you're playing a game just to get some, etc. But then something amazing happens when we decide that you are on the up-and-up. We give in. We give you our heart, our trust and our future. Yes of course there is a chance that you could break our heart like ones before but you seem different. I mean, look at you go with all of the thoughtfulness and attentiveness! We put you on a pedestal. You're "our" guy. The guy who we just know will do anything to make us happy.
Enter his "I've got her" stage. Now guys, don't get your panties in a bunch. I know you don't actually think those words. However, that is how we women see it. Slowly, the sweet nothings trickle down. The PDA that guys are famous for not enjoying yet engage & even initiate early in the relationship stops. Basically, the little things die. For reasons that I dare not broach here today, the lady love of yours begins to feel as if she isn't something special and precious to you anymore. She feels duped. And she starts to get bitter.
Now guys, it's easy to say, "She knows that's not true! Of course I still love her! Of course she's still special to me!". Take a moment to see it from our side, though. At one time, you did all of these things. Did them without having to be asked, without us reaching the point of "sweetness deficiency". When we meet that deficiency it's not pretty. When you give us reason to question why you're not acting like you once were, be ready for our overactive brains to blow it way out of proportion. You know we do it and we do, too. He doesn't say 'I love you' before going to sleep anymore? Must be cheating. He doesn't hold your hand anymore? Must want to break-up. Logical? Okay, maybe not. But we are grasping. We panic. We try to be big girls and figure it out ourselves because Lord knows you don't want to talk about it. You would likely just get exacerbated with us even asking! What, do we not have confidence? Problem is that our brains work differently. If we did any of those things you do, it would probably mean that we're done with you. You, well you're just comfortable.
Women's love language is about the little things. Touching (like hand holding, putting a hand on our leg, arm around our shoulder or simply touching our back as you walk by), kissing (do not use for just getting "some"! A kiss on the forehead or a quick peck for no real reason at all does wonders), flowers (yes, trite yet true), cards (you don't even have to write a sonnet in it! Pick a sweet one up and sign it with "I love you". Simple), sweet text messages saying how wonderful we are (we need encouragement, too!), etc. Basically, think of what you did in the early stages. We don't need grand displays but simple every day acts of love. Most importantly we need to feel wanted. Not just sexually. Of course we know you want us sexually. The kind of want that shows the significance of our presence in your life. Acknowledgement, affection and encouragement. Those are the cornerstones for making us happy.
And ladies, for us, I urge you to do the same. How did we act in the beginning? As long as you weren't completely hiding who you are then rely on that earlier version of your girlfriend self. He forgot to do that important thing you asked him to do? In the beginning we would have understood. Perhaps even realized that if he forgot that special something that perhaps he had a long/bad day and we, in turn, should be extra nice. He said something that was a little uncouth? Shake your head and move on. Remember that it used to be charming, in a weird way that you didn't understand. You didn't scold him or voice your disapproval. Let him be. Guys need acceptance and appreciation. Keep to that. Let the little things go. Remember all of the wonderful reasons why you fell in love in the first place.
Moral of this long ass post? It's a delicate balance between us two sexes. Don't dial it in. Don't get lazy. What your partner needs isn't necessarily what you need. Be diligent about giving what the other half needs. Men, be affectionate and loving. We are delicate flowers, not your drinking buddies (although sometimes we play double duty ;) Women, learn to let go, don't criticize.
Just be good to one another. Have his back and guys have your lady's in turn.
Let's start with the guys. Keep in mind that I am a woman and will self-admittedly say that I don't really know what goes through your head. There is woman logic and there is man logic and all too often I find that they are in direct conflict with one another. But let me call it how I see it. Guys fall in love with a lovely little lady. They woo her. Buy her flowers, take her out, do all those special little things to ensure that she chooses him. It's a survival of the fittest thing, I'm sure. You primal animals, you. And then you win us over. We settle into "girlfriend" mode. We start doing our own primal things. Some of us turn into a mixture of Betty Crocker meets Martha Stewart. We fuss over you, make sure you're taking care of yourself and start the process of nesting.
Then something funny happens. The guy settles into his relationship mode. His humor that once had a sprinkle of sweetness is now only humor. Guy humor. Humor which we all know can be cutting sometimes. Flowers? Why? He sees her all the time now. And since he does see her all the time why would he text her with sweet nothings? It's not that he doesn't think of her during the day but its more about efficiency. He'll see her later. When does he have time to get flowers? Little "I saw this and thought of you" gifts? Again, why? Chances are he's spent a lot of money on his girl already at this point. His logic? "She knows I think of/love/care about her". All of those sweet idiosyncrasies before were, to use a metaphor that guys will relate to, like a fishing lure. He's got her, she knows she is his, knows he wants her (otherwise he'd throw her back) so what's the big deal?
Well, gentlemen, let me share the big deal. Here is some insight into how women deal. When we are being woo'ed there is a chance that at first we are hesitant about you. We need a little time to figure out your motives, whether you're a loser who masquerades as an upstanding guy, whether you're a self-centered asshole, whether you're playing a game just to get some, etc. But then something amazing happens when we decide that you are on the up-and-up. We give in. We give you our heart, our trust and our future. Yes of course there is a chance that you could break our heart like ones before but you seem different. I mean, look at you go with all of the thoughtfulness and attentiveness! We put you on a pedestal. You're "our" guy. The guy who we just know will do anything to make us happy.
Enter his "I've got her" stage. Now guys, don't get your panties in a bunch. I know you don't actually think those words. However, that is how we women see it. Slowly, the sweet nothings trickle down. The PDA that guys are famous for not enjoying yet engage & even initiate early in the relationship stops. Basically, the little things die. For reasons that I dare not broach here today, the lady love of yours begins to feel as if she isn't something special and precious to you anymore. She feels duped. And she starts to get bitter.
Now guys, it's easy to say, "She knows that's not true! Of course I still love her! Of course she's still special to me!". Take a moment to see it from our side, though. At one time, you did all of these things. Did them without having to be asked, without us reaching the point of "sweetness deficiency". When we meet that deficiency it's not pretty. When you give us reason to question why you're not acting like you once were, be ready for our overactive brains to blow it way out of proportion. You know we do it and we do, too. He doesn't say 'I love you' before going to sleep anymore? Must be cheating. He doesn't hold your hand anymore? Must want to break-up. Logical? Okay, maybe not. But we are grasping. We panic. We try to be big girls and figure it out ourselves because Lord knows you don't want to talk about it. You would likely just get exacerbated with us even asking! What, do we not have confidence? Problem is that our brains work differently. If we did any of those things you do, it would probably mean that we're done with you. You, well you're just comfortable.
Women's love language is about the little things. Touching (like hand holding, putting a hand on our leg, arm around our shoulder or simply touching our back as you walk by), kissing (do not use for just getting "some"! A kiss on the forehead or a quick peck for no real reason at all does wonders), flowers (yes, trite yet true), cards (you don't even have to write a sonnet in it! Pick a sweet one up and sign it with "I love you". Simple), sweet text messages saying how wonderful we are (we need encouragement, too!), etc. Basically, think of what you did in the early stages. We don't need grand displays but simple every day acts of love. Most importantly we need to feel wanted. Not just sexually. Of course we know you want us sexually. The kind of want that shows the significance of our presence in your life. Acknowledgement, affection and encouragement. Those are the cornerstones for making us happy.
And ladies, for us, I urge you to do the same. How did we act in the beginning? As long as you weren't completely hiding who you are then rely on that earlier version of your girlfriend self. He forgot to do that important thing you asked him to do? In the beginning we would have understood. Perhaps even realized that if he forgot that special something that perhaps he had a long/bad day and we, in turn, should be extra nice. He said something that was a little uncouth? Shake your head and move on. Remember that it used to be charming, in a weird way that you didn't understand. You didn't scold him or voice your disapproval. Let him be. Guys need acceptance and appreciation. Keep to that. Let the little things go. Remember all of the wonderful reasons why you fell in love in the first place.
Moral of this long ass post? It's a delicate balance between us two sexes. Don't dial it in. Don't get lazy. What your partner needs isn't necessarily what you need. Be diligent about giving what the other half needs. Men, be affectionate and loving. We are delicate flowers, not your drinking buddies (although sometimes we play double duty ;) Women, learn to let go, don't criticize.
Just be good to one another. Have his back and guys have your lady's in turn.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Curves. As In Balls.
Talk about putting my head in the sand! Seriously don't know where the past 6 months went. As life is want to do...there has been much change. Let's do some filler, shall we?
Boyfriend injured his knee at work in March and went on invalid mode. No driving, no stairs, no work. Bright side? We were able to see each other much more. Dark side? Homie doesn't do sitting around very well. We officially went from the sweet nothing-can-upset-me stage into this-shit-just-got-real stage. Which is a really beautiful stage but it's not always an easy one. Luckily, I chose a kick ass man who may butt heads with me but will also say "I'm sorry" when wrong and who loves me without a doubt.
In April, my roomie decided to move to New York giving me two weeks to figure out just what I was going to do. Guys, I'm a wedding planner by trade which means that I'm a planner in life, too. I had a timeline...another year at the apartment, nice and slow before honey & I moved in together, give my dream of living in SF a little extra time...yada, yada, yada. Curve balls and I detest one another. Which is exactly what I had been given since the roomie had, on multiple occasions, told my man that I wasn't allowed to move for a long time. Needless to say, it was a rough transition.
Things always work out, don't they? Honey and I moved in together and have been navigating the challenges that life and relationships send your way. We have a lot to learn about one another and relating to the opposite sex. Hence why I just bought "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". Stop laughing. I have no idea what makes you men tick. Why do you go into "bunker" mode when you're stressed? And why did God make it so that when I'm stressed all I want to do is talk about it? Ultimate irony! So I'm determined to understand it and make it my bitch, so to say.
We are still going through transition but thankfully, and a hearty knock on wood, things have quieted down. I'm not going to say that I am completely comfortable or okay but...I'm learning that it's okay not to have everything tucked neatly into a plan. Life happens and you gotta just put your hands up and give a wholehearted "Let's do this!".
Thankful. Blessed. Loved. What could be wrong?
Boyfriend injured his knee at work in March and went on invalid mode. No driving, no stairs, no work. Bright side? We were able to see each other much more. Dark side? Homie doesn't do sitting around very well. We officially went from the sweet nothing-can-upset-me stage into this-shit-just-got-real stage. Which is a really beautiful stage but it's not always an easy one. Luckily, I chose a kick ass man who may butt heads with me but will also say "I'm sorry" when wrong and who loves me without a doubt.
In April, my roomie decided to move to New York giving me two weeks to figure out just what I was going to do. Guys, I'm a wedding planner by trade which means that I'm a planner in life, too. I had a timeline...another year at the apartment, nice and slow before honey & I moved in together, give my dream of living in SF a little extra time...yada, yada, yada. Curve balls and I detest one another. Which is exactly what I had been given since the roomie had, on multiple occasions, told my man that I wasn't allowed to move for a long time. Needless to say, it was a rough transition.
Things always work out, don't they? Honey and I moved in together and have been navigating the challenges that life and relationships send your way. We have a lot to learn about one another and relating to the opposite sex. Hence why I just bought "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". Stop laughing. I have no idea what makes you men tick. Why do you go into "bunker" mode when you're stressed? And why did God make it so that when I'm stressed all I want to do is talk about it? Ultimate irony! So I'm determined to understand it and make it my bitch, so to say.
We are still going through transition but thankfully, and a hearty knock on wood, things have quieted down. I'm not going to say that I am completely comfortable or okay but...I'm learning that it's okay not to have everything tucked neatly into a plan. Life happens and you gotta just put your hands up and give a wholehearted "Let's do this!".
Thankful. Blessed. Loved. What could be wrong?
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Boot For a Boot
You know how they say "An eye for an eye"? Well, I think that it should also be fair to say "A boot for a boot". In other words, if you put a boot on my car I should be able to put a boot up your ass. Fair.
Ugh. See what I meant by Suckuarys?
I had five parking tickets. Big deal. Two for no front license plate and three for street cleaning. For that, I got a boot on my car. And because this dude was a dick, he added a little insult to injury by giving me a ticket for not turning my wheels correctly. He was even nice enough to leave me a handy dandy little diagram on how to park my car. Did you know that it's not enough to turn your wheels? Oh no. They must also be touching the curb. Three inches away? Not good enough, little missy. That'll be $50, thank you very much.
I think this calls for a little something called "rip-roaring drunk" and a box of something deliciously bad for me.
Roses and sunshine will be here soon, I'm sure. But for now...I'm going to go stick my head in a hole.
Ugh. See what I meant by Suckuarys?
I had five parking tickets. Big deal. Two for no front license plate and three for street cleaning. For that, I got a boot on my car. And because this dude was a dick, he added a little insult to injury by giving me a ticket for not turning my wheels correctly. He was even nice enough to leave me a handy dandy little diagram on how to park my car. Did you know that it's not enough to turn your wheels? Oh no. They must also be touching the curb. Three inches away? Not good enough, little missy. That'll be $50, thank you very much.
I think this calls for a little something called "rip-roaring drunk" and a box of something deliciously bad for me.
Roses and sunshine will be here soon, I'm sure. But for now...I'm going to go stick my head in a hole.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Suckuarys
January & February are by far my least favorite months of the year. It seems to never fail...shit goes wrong in these two months. Every year New Year's Day comes along and I timidly stick my little feet out into the new year only to have life be a dick.
Let me share with you exactly why I hate these months...
1. The lack of sunshine. I'm a grumpy gus when I don't get my vitamin D. Truth!
2. The cold. Let me clarify...the cold without snow. Cold without snow is just pointless. Everyone knows that!
3. The flu. Never fails. January = Flu Time for Sarah. Luckily for me it hit on New Year's Eve this year! Hooray!
4. Everyone and their mama is cranky because of the lack of sunshine & cold weather. Say hello to asshole drivers, bitchy supermarket shoppers and difficult clients.
5. Valentine's Day. Let's just say that I have a history with this holiday and let's just say that if it were a real life person I'd kick it in its no-no spot. My darling boyfriend has assured me that I shouldn't look at it this way but...even if I have a perfect person to spend the day with I'll likely fall down stairs or split my skirt up my ass. It's just what happens.
6. And finally, I swear, that these two months are perpetually under the spell of a full moon. Something is just "off". Things don't go as they should, accidents happen, people act strange, yada yada yada. It's just plain bad.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, are why bears hibernate.
Not really.
Let me share with you exactly why I hate these months...
1. The lack of sunshine. I'm a grumpy gus when I don't get my vitamin D. Truth!
2. The cold. Let me clarify...the cold without snow. Cold without snow is just pointless. Everyone knows that!
3. The flu. Never fails. January = Flu Time for Sarah. Luckily for me it hit on New Year's Eve this year! Hooray!
4. Everyone and their mama is cranky because of the lack of sunshine & cold weather. Say hello to asshole drivers, bitchy supermarket shoppers and difficult clients.
5. Valentine's Day. Let's just say that I have a history with this holiday and let's just say that if it were a real life person I'd kick it in its no-no spot. My darling boyfriend has assured me that I shouldn't look at it this way but...even if I have a perfect person to spend the day with I'll likely fall down stairs or split my skirt up my ass. It's just what happens.
6. And finally, I swear, that these two months are perpetually under the spell of a full moon. Something is just "off". Things don't go as they should, accidents happen, people act strange, yada yada yada. It's just plain bad.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, are why bears hibernate.
Not really.
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