I've gotta love my family.
I introduced my...um...what's the correct title for him? Non-boyfriend? We'll go with that. I introduced my non-boyfriend to my mom this week. Normally, when I'm introducing someone that I like to my family I'm a little apprehensive. The one person in my family that I can normally count on to be fairly normal (at least at first) is my mom. She can be a bit overprotective and questioning but I'm fairly sure most mothers are that way.
Well, I must have caught her on a bad night. The very first thing she says to him after the "hello"'s and "nice to meet you"'s is...get ready...
NIPPLES.
She says, "Oh, you do have nipples!".
....
Oh dear God.
...
Without missing a beat, he responds while looking down at his chest,"Yeah, I've tried to get rid of them but I just can't seem to".
Oh, non-boyfriend. You just kind of made me love you.
Turns out she said DIMPLES but all we heard was nipples. I mean, wow. Well, now. At least meeting the rest of the family won't be so shocking.
My brother and Dad ended up coming over for dinner and I'm sitting at the dinner table stealing glances at him just to see how he's taking the craziness. My brother is like a stand up comic/dancer/five year old, my mom is being a typical Italian mama tellin my Dad and brother what they need to do if they know what's good for them, my Dad is singing Elvis...
Oh dear God. Why did I invite him again?
Good news is that this whole debacle was on Thursday and he's come around since then so I'm guessing that they didn't scare him too badly.
Maybe I'll invite him for Thanksgiving and my dad will say penis. One can only hope.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
You Don't Have To Be June Cleaver But...
Girls...
Learn how to cook. I know that we're in a modern age where women aren't barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen all day just waiting for their husband to come home from work so they can pour them a scotch and rub their feet but... you're still women.
It's also just generally a good idea to know how to take care of yourself. Plus if you ever have kids you might want to know how to feed them something other than microwavable items. It's not demeaning for you to know what a spatula is.
On the flip side, it's equally important for men to know how to fix things in and around the house. It's incredibly sexy but it also shows us that you're capable of handling yourself. Hell, if you straight up build something from scratch I have to hold myself back from just throwing you up against a wall and...well, good stuff. So, take the hint boys.
Learn how to cook. I know that we're in a modern age where women aren't barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen all day just waiting for their husband to come home from work so they can pour them a scotch and rub their feet but... you're still women.
It's also just generally a good idea to know how to take care of yourself. Plus if you ever have kids you might want to know how to feed them something other than microwavable items. It's not demeaning for you to know what a spatula is.
On the flip side, it's equally important for men to know how to fix things in and around the house. It's incredibly sexy but it also shows us that you're capable of handling yourself. Hell, if you straight up build something from scratch I have to hold myself back from just throwing you up against a wall and...well, good stuff. So, take the hint boys.
Training Wheels
Love is like riding a bike. Well, at least for this analogy it is.
When you're young, there is puppy love. It's intense and you can't imagine another person you will love more. The thing is that you still have training wheels on. You can't live together, you can't get married (at least not for many years), you have your family to make sure that boundaries are kept. You're safe.
Then you grow up. You experience that first real true and crazy love. This is even more intense than the puppy love because there are no training wheels. No boundaries set by parents. You can go all in which is... terribly dangerous. Hopefully you've learned some life lessons from the puppy love but other than that experience, you have nothing to go on. You just have to hope for the best, give your best and go from there. Unfortunately, often times, this is where you'll experience your first heart break. You fall off the bike, scratch yourself all up.
Fall enough times and it's a bit scary to get back on. Those scars don't entirely heal.
That's where I am. I feel ready again but...can I have my training wheels back?
When you're young, there is puppy love. It's intense and you can't imagine another person you will love more. The thing is that you still have training wheels on. You can't live together, you can't get married (at least not for many years), you have your family to make sure that boundaries are kept. You're safe.
Then you grow up. You experience that first real true and crazy love. This is even more intense than the puppy love because there are no training wheels. No boundaries set by parents. You can go all in which is... terribly dangerous. Hopefully you've learned some life lessons from the puppy love but other than that experience, you have nothing to go on. You just have to hope for the best, give your best and go from there. Unfortunately, often times, this is where you'll experience your first heart break. You fall off the bike, scratch yourself all up.
Fall enough times and it's a bit scary to get back on. Those scars don't entirely heal.
That's where I am. I feel ready again but...can I have my training wheels back?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Non-Fashionista Opinion
A couple of fall trends I am so not getting:
1. Open toed boots. I mean really...how is that attractive? You have to wear socks underneath those things and that's just not cute!
2. Leather leggings. First, leggings in general are a little too 1990 for me. If I wore something when I was a child then I just don't think I should wear it as an adult. For example, jellies. Cute on kids, not so cute on adults. Then you have the whole leather thing! Leather is good for four things and four things only: shoes, belts, jackets and purses. Shame on whoever came up with this.
3. Shoulder pads. Yes. You heard correct. Women are wearing these God awful things again. Why? Who knows. Lord knows men don't like them. Why would they? "Hey, man. Did you see my girlfriend over there? Yeah, she's the one with the shoulders like a quarterback". No. Just no! I thought these things died a horrible death. Who resurrected them? Let me tell you something, Mr. I-Think-Shoulder-Pads-Are-Cool...you suck.
4. Ruffles. To you fashion designers out there let me point something out to you. The average size of the American woman is a size 12-14. See what I'm getting at? No? Okay...let me spell it out for you. You know those models that you're dressing? Yeah. They are a size 0. They NEED ruffles on them so you can SEE them when they're walking down that cute little runway. The average woman? Is generally no where near being so stick thin that curves disappear. It's actually the opposite. The average woman likes to down play the curves just a bit, not add more on. See what I'm getting at? A little common sense would be appreciated. Thanks.
A couple of fashion trends that I love:
1. Satin Bows on Shoes. It just looks like a 1940's pin-up girl should be wearing them and that is always a good thing. Always.
2. Wavy hair. You're about to see a trend...1940's-esque. Classic, touchable, sexy and beautiful.
3. Leopard print. Now before you go "Whoa there, crazy girl!", hear me out. It has to be done very, very, VERY well and must be inconspicuous but when done right it's just enough naughty to catch attention. Love it on a shoe or pencil skirt.
4. Red. Arguably one of my favorite colors. I love it in lipstick, shoes. dresses, tops, nail polish...you name it. Now if only I could afford the red patent leather Christian Louboutin's...
1. Open toed boots. I mean really...how is that attractive? You have to wear socks underneath those things and that's just not cute!
2. Leather leggings. First, leggings in general are a little too 1990 for me. If I wore something when I was a child then I just don't think I should wear it as an adult. For example, jellies. Cute on kids, not so cute on adults. Then you have the whole leather thing! Leather is good for four things and four things only: shoes, belts, jackets and purses. Shame on whoever came up with this.
3. Shoulder pads. Yes. You heard correct. Women are wearing these God awful things again. Why? Who knows. Lord knows men don't like them. Why would they? "Hey, man. Did you see my girlfriend over there? Yeah, she's the one with the shoulders like a quarterback". No. Just no! I thought these things died a horrible death. Who resurrected them? Let me tell you something, Mr. I-Think-Shoulder-Pads-Are-Cool...you suck.
4. Ruffles. To you fashion designers out there let me point something out to you. The average size of the American woman is a size 12-14. See what I'm getting at? No? Okay...let me spell it out for you. You know those models that you're dressing? Yeah. They are a size 0. They NEED ruffles on them so you can SEE them when they're walking down that cute little runway. The average woman? Is generally no where near being so stick thin that curves disappear. It's actually the opposite. The average woman likes to down play the curves just a bit, not add more on. See what I'm getting at? A little common sense would be appreciated. Thanks.
A couple of fashion trends that I love:
1. Satin Bows on Shoes. It just looks like a 1940's pin-up girl should be wearing them and that is always a good thing. Always.
2. Wavy hair. You're about to see a trend...1940's-esque. Classic, touchable, sexy and beautiful.
3. Leopard print. Now before you go "Whoa there, crazy girl!", hear me out. It has to be done very, very, VERY well and must be inconspicuous but when done right it's just enough naughty to catch attention. Love it on a shoe or pencil skirt.
4. Red. Arguably one of my favorite colors. I love it in lipstick, shoes. dresses, tops, nail polish...you name it. Now if only I could afford the red patent leather Christian Louboutin's...
Red Light?
Dry spell...that's what I feel like I'm in. And no, you dirty monkeys, not that kind of dry spell although...well, that's just a whole other subject. No, I mean a witty dry spell. A cognitive presence kind of a dry spell. Not sure where my mind has been lately but it's as if it took a little vacation and left me a note saying "Don't even try to look for me. I'll be back when I'm damn good and ready to come back". What a jerk. Jerky brain.
I can't seem to focus. On anything. For any length of time. It's just getting ridiculous. For example...
I ran a red light the other day. And not like "Oh, hey. That light is going to turn red". Nope. More like, "Oh, hey. That's light has been red for a minute or so. What does red mean again? Go? Slow? No. That's not it. Geez. It's right there on the tip of my tongue. Hm. Oh, my phone is ringing. I should answer that. Dang, where is my purse? Did I put it in the front seat or the back seat? Hey, sounds like someone is saying something. I'm hearing 'red light, stop, red light, stop, red light, stop'. Wait a second...red means...almost got it...red means...stop! Stop! Oh crap! Well, might as well commit to the law breaking". And I just cruised right through it. Meanwhile, my two passengers are an equal measure of amused and horrified. My response? Eh. We're fine. What's all the hullabaloo about?
I'm kind of freaking myself out. It's almost as if I'm on some type of mood enhancer because of my semi-loopy and oblivious tendencies at the moment. Has my new found peace given me a form of neurosis? If so, isn't that just more proof that life is the ultimate irony? Happiness gives you neurosis. So then that would mean that unhappiness gives you clarity?
Eh.
...Dirty monkeys. Enough philosophy tonight. I think I just blew my own mind...wherever it may be.
I can't seem to focus. On anything. For any length of time. It's just getting ridiculous. For example...
I ran a red light the other day. And not like "Oh, hey. That light is going to turn red". Nope. More like, "Oh, hey. That's light has been red for a minute or so. What does red mean again? Go? Slow? No. That's not it. Geez. It's right there on the tip of my tongue. Hm. Oh, my phone is ringing. I should answer that. Dang, where is my purse? Did I put it in the front seat or the back seat? Hey, sounds like someone is saying something. I'm hearing 'red light, stop, red light, stop, red light, stop'. Wait a second...red means...almost got it...red means...stop! Stop! Oh crap! Well, might as well commit to the law breaking". And I just cruised right through it. Meanwhile, my two passengers are an equal measure of amused and horrified. My response? Eh. We're fine. What's all the hullabaloo about?
I'm kind of freaking myself out. It's almost as if I'm on some type of mood enhancer because of my semi-loopy and oblivious tendencies at the moment. Has my new found peace given me a form of neurosis? If so, isn't that just more proof that life is the ultimate irony? Happiness gives you neurosis. So then that would mean that unhappiness gives you clarity?
Eh.
...Dirty monkeys. Enough philosophy tonight. I think I just blew my own mind...wherever it may be.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Rain
I'd seriously consider moving to Seattle just to have rain and thunderstorms.
But for now I'll take this mild rain in Monterey. All I need right now is a fireplace, hot cocoa, a cashmere sweater and a puppy.
Sigh.
But for now I'll take this mild rain in Monterey. All I need right now is a fireplace, hot cocoa, a cashmere sweater and a puppy.
Sigh.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Peace
Over the past couple of days I've had this strange feeling. It's been as if a puzzle piece has finally slipped into it's correct spot. I have peace.
I thought that I felt at peace before this. Thought that I had come to terms with what has changed in this past year and that I had moved on. I see now that I hadn't. I'm not quite sure what has changed now but...maybe you run your stubborn head up against a wall for so long and then the wall breaks.
A few things that I feel peaceful about:
1. My Ex. I held on for a long time even after we started talking again. Thinking, hoping, that someday he'd figure it out. Well, he's not going to. I've said that before but I truly believe it now and the false hopes are diminished. I also know that I deserve a whole hell of a lot more than he either can or is able to give. And that's not going to change.
2. My mother. My mom and I hadn't seen each other in nearly 3 months. We just started talking again after I wrote a heartfelt letter explaining why I took so much space. Needless to say, I was not met with the reaction/consideration that a daughter should receive from a parent and I was tired. Wore out. I took a break. But...we're talking again and she's making efforts towards a mother/daughter relationship. Which is huge. Which is giving me a great amount of peace. I love my mom. We've never had a normal mother/daughter relationship and it's something that I've always longed for.
3. The rest of my family. My dad and my brother are creatures of habit. They are who they are. I've always, since I was little, have tried to change them. Tried to make them see things the way that I do. I feel as if I've finally learned a great truth... they aren't going to change. Whether their actions are unhealthy or not, they are grown men. They know full well what they are doing and I can't do anything about that. I also can't spend my life worrying for them. Actions have consequences and I'll have to deal with the emotional ramifications of that at some point but, for now, I will love them and enjoy them for who they are. Flaws and all.
4. The rest of my life. My career, my love life (or lack there of) and my finances may not be where I want them to be but I know that this point in my life is crucial to the success of the rest of my life. I need this time alone. This time to truly understand me. I have time to work the rest of the details out. And the most beautiful thing is...I know that I am going be golden. I know that I won't accept less from myself for myself. So what's the point in worrying?
If you could take a look at the me of today and compare her to the me of a year ago you wouldn't even know we were one in the same. Thank God we are so malleable...even if in the process of change we feel as if it we might break.
"Consider it pure joy to face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" - James 1: 2-4
I thought that I felt at peace before this. Thought that I had come to terms with what has changed in this past year and that I had moved on. I see now that I hadn't. I'm not quite sure what has changed now but...maybe you run your stubborn head up against a wall for so long and then the wall breaks.
A few things that I feel peaceful about:
1. My Ex. I held on for a long time even after we started talking again. Thinking, hoping, that someday he'd figure it out. Well, he's not going to. I've said that before but I truly believe it now and the false hopes are diminished. I also know that I deserve a whole hell of a lot more than he either can or is able to give. And that's not going to change.
2. My mother. My mom and I hadn't seen each other in nearly 3 months. We just started talking again after I wrote a heartfelt letter explaining why I took so much space. Needless to say, I was not met with the reaction/consideration that a daughter should receive from a parent and I was tired. Wore out. I took a break. But...we're talking again and she's making efforts towards a mother/daughter relationship. Which is huge. Which is giving me a great amount of peace. I love my mom. We've never had a normal mother/daughter relationship and it's something that I've always longed for.
3. The rest of my family. My dad and my brother are creatures of habit. They are who they are. I've always, since I was little, have tried to change them. Tried to make them see things the way that I do. I feel as if I've finally learned a great truth... they aren't going to change. Whether their actions are unhealthy or not, they are grown men. They know full well what they are doing and I can't do anything about that. I also can't spend my life worrying for them. Actions have consequences and I'll have to deal with the emotional ramifications of that at some point but, for now, I will love them and enjoy them for who they are. Flaws and all.
4. The rest of my life. My career, my love life (or lack there of) and my finances may not be where I want them to be but I know that this point in my life is crucial to the success of the rest of my life. I need this time alone. This time to truly understand me. I have time to work the rest of the details out. And the most beautiful thing is...I know that I am going be golden. I know that I won't accept less from myself for myself. So what's the point in worrying?
If you could take a look at the me of today and compare her to the me of a year ago you wouldn't even know we were one in the same. Thank God we are so malleable...even if in the process of change we feel as if it we might break.
"Consider it pure joy to face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" - James 1: 2-4
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Dreams
I don't know what the deal has been lately but I've been having freakishly vivid dreams. They haven't been nightmares or anything just...really life-like.
I had a dream last night that a bride and groom that I worked with two years ago were working for me. I was outside of our showroom which we had just painted and I was really happy with the new paint colors. Then these two people (whom, in the dream, I didn't realize were my past clients but did realize worked for me) walk up. The chick is talking smack about my paint choices and the dude is trying to get her to keep quiet. Then I walk up and am all like, "Laurel, you don't like the paint? Well, I picked it. If you don't like it then you can just leave". In the dream I'm also going over financial calculations and contracts with my dad. The really weird thing is that it all made sense...like I'm actually doing work in my sleep. Very strange.
So, that's been my dream pattern for the past two or three weeks. I don't quite know what to make of it. My dreams are usually all mush...all kinds of weird concepts that don't make any sense once I wake up.
Maybe my brain is bored. That's probably it. I'm so anxious to get this business off the ground. I know that one day I'm going to look back and wish I had embraced the bum-ness of being unemployed a little more than I am but...eh. I don't like feeling like a waste of space.
It's such a weird time in my life. It's good but...still weird. It's as if everything is at a stand-still. As if everything is moving around me but I'm stuck in the place I stand. The strangest thing about it is that I'm strangely alright with it. I know that it's not a forever type of a thing. Big things are on the horizon so for now I just need to sit tight and enjoy the down time.
And enjoy the freakishly realistic dreams. Hopefully my next one will involve Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson. Hell, maybe both of 'em! Oooh...I like where that's going. Yes sir!
I had a dream last night that a bride and groom that I worked with two years ago were working for me. I was outside of our showroom which we had just painted and I was really happy with the new paint colors. Then these two people (whom, in the dream, I didn't realize were my past clients but did realize worked for me) walk up. The chick is talking smack about my paint choices and the dude is trying to get her to keep quiet. Then I walk up and am all like, "Laurel, you don't like the paint? Well, I picked it. If you don't like it then you can just leave". In the dream I'm also going over financial calculations and contracts with my dad. The really weird thing is that it all made sense...like I'm actually doing work in my sleep. Very strange.
So, that's been my dream pattern for the past two or three weeks. I don't quite know what to make of it. My dreams are usually all mush...all kinds of weird concepts that don't make any sense once I wake up.
Maybe my brain is bored. That's probably it. I'm so anxious to get this business off the ground. I know that one day I'm going to look back and wish I had embraced the bum-ness of being unemployed a little more than I am but...eh. I don't like feeling like a waste of space.
It's such a weird time in my life. It's good but...still weird. It's as if everything is at a stand-still. As if everything is moving around me but I'm stuck in the place I stand. The strangest thing about it is that I'm strangely alright with it. I know that it's not a forever type of a thing. Big things are on the horizon so for now I just need to sit tight and enjoy the down time.
And enjoy the freakishly realistic dreams. Hopefully my next one will involve Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson. Hell, maybe both of 'em! Oooh...I like where that's going. Yes sir!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
