Ah, the bar scene. My bestie and I went out last night for a little girls night and almost immediately she strikes up a conversation with this dude. Luckily for me (I say that sarcastically), he had a friend.
Before I tell the rest of the story I should say that I get a kick out of the back and forth of bar conversations. I enjoy being fiesty and giving guys who think they're hot shit a little taste of their own medicine. I can do it with a smile on my face but nonetheless, I'm making fun of them. It passes my time because I'm not out to find anyone at a bar.
Anywho, this buddy of his saunters over to me. Let me list his top comments last night.
1. So, are you a surfer? 'Cause you have blonde hair.
2. So, when guys come up to you they are expecting blue eyes, you know, cause you have blonde hair. Has a guy ever seen your eyes and walked away? I mean, I love brown eyes but most guys like blue eyes with blonde hair.
3. You have the softest, most amazing hair. It's so long and blonde. *This he says after I realize he's been sitting behind me for at least 15 minutes just softly petting my hair. So softly that I didn't feel it. The bartender pointed it out to me.*
4. I love your hair
5. Can I cut some of your hair and take it with me?
6. How did you get your hair to be so soft and perfect?
Yeah. Then as we're leaving he asks for my number.
No. Call me crazy, but no.
Seriously, why the hell am I single? I have so many great choices. Oh man, over it.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Normal for Exes, Right?
An exerpt from a conversation between my ex and myself....
L: You girls havin fun? Pillow fights and teenbeat magazine?
S: Whatever helps you sleep at night
L: Barbituates help me sleep at night. Hey, got any barbituates? Jesus was supposed to hook me up at the circus but he never showed...
S: Good thing for you, I know Jesus. He lives in L.A. though so you're out of luck
L: Can't trust hippies
S: Well, if you want barbituates then you're going to have to deal with hippies
L: You're such a downer, Easter Bunny
S: I never said I was the favorite of the holiday characters. Santa has got that one nailed so why even pretend to be happy?
L: Hey, if the tooth fairy can deal, so can you. Cowboy up, silly rabbit
S: No, and you can't make me
L: You're right. Not from the moon, I can't. But I'll be back, I forgot my keys
S: LOL, 10 points for the truly insane talk
L: Sweet, gonna spend it on candy
S: Make sure to brush your teeth afterward
L: No, it's stupid
S: You do it or you're never going to get another Easter basket
L: No-wa
S: Yes-ah
L: Know what's in those Easter baskets? Eiggs.
S: Ayggs (Because apparently that's how I say "eggs")
L: That's right. Trick question
S: Now I win 10 points
L: Don't use it all on heroin. Spread it around...get hookers too
S: Hookers first. Then the juice
L: No, the saying goes "ho's before smack, really wack. Smack before ho's, good to go"
S: If that's not a real saying it should be
So, that's a pretty normal conversation between the two of us. Normal? No. Funny as hell? Yes.
L: You girls havin fun? Pillow fights and teenbeat magazine?
S: Whatever helps you sleep at night
L: Barbituates help me sleep at night. Hey, got any barbituates? Jesus was supposed to hook me up at the circus but he never showed...
S: Good thing for you, I know Jesus. He lives in L.A. though so you're out of luck
L: Can't trust hippies
S: Well, if you want barbituates then you're going to have to deal with hippies
L: You're such a downer, Easter Bunny
S: I never said I was the favorite of the holiday characters. Santa has got that one nailed so why even pretend to be happy?
L: Hey, if the tooth fairy can deal, so can you. Cowboy up, silly rabbit
S: No, and you can't make me
L: You're right. Not from the moon, I can't. But I'll be back, I forgot my keys
S: LOL, 10 points for the truly insane talk
L: Sweet, gonna spend it on candy
S: Make sure to brush your teeth afterward
L: No, it's stupid
S: You do it or you're never going to get another Easter basket
L: No-wa
S: Yes-ah
L: Know what's in those Easter baskets? Eiggs.
S: Ayggs (Because apparently that's how I say "eggs")
L: That's right. Trick question
S: Now I win 10 points
L: Don't use it all on heroin. Spread it around...get hookers too
S: Hookers first. Then the juice
L: No, the saying goes "ho's before smack, really wack. Smack before ho's, good to go"
S: If that's not a real saying it should be
So, that's a pretty normal conversation between the two of us. Normal? No. Funny as hell? Yes.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Big Girl Pants
I'd like to say that I'm not an impulsive person. That I take time to think things out before diving in feet first. That I take time to plan and execute correctly. Sadly, I can't honestly say that. And I'm struggling with it.
Over the last couple of weeks it's been blaringly apparent that I am old enough now to act like a bonafide adult. I'll be 27 in June (gasp!) and I shouldn't be doing stupid shit like spending my last $300 on a pair of Ferragamo sunglasses or acting without thinking. To my credit, I think I've been doing pretty good (those sunglasses are still sitting in that damn store, just mocking me) but there is one thing that I just can't let go of.
I think I have some major life changes ahead of me and normally what I would do is just pick up and do it. No real planning- just hope that I land on my feet. Fingers crossed and all that. But, again, bonafide adult. I'm not 20, I know better by now. So, I'm trying to ride that fine line between overanalyzing and oblivious.
The moral of the story...being an adult sucks. So does being smart. I hate knowing better!
Over the last couple of weeks it's been blaringly apparent that I am old enough now to act like a bonafide adult. I'll be 27 in June (gasp!) and I shouldn't be doing stupid shit like spending my last $300 on a pair of Ferragamo sunglasses or acting without thinking. To my credit, I think I've been doing pretty good (those sunglasses are still sitting in that damn store, just mocking me) but there is one thing that I just can't let go of.
I think I have some major life changes ahead of me and normally what I would do is just pick up and do it. No real planning- just hope that I land on my feet. Fingers crossed and all that. But, again, bonafide adult. I'm not 20, I know better by now. So, I'm trying to ride that fine line between overanalyzing and oblivious.
The moral of the story...being an adult sucks. So does being smart. I hate knowing better!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
You Wicked Man
I'm reading Wicked right now and... it's not what I thought it would be. Just a bit too politically charged for my taste. Regardless of the undertones, I have found it fairly interesting.
There's a big "however" after that last statement though. I really struggle with male authors who write about women and throw in weird little tidbits in their effort to seem as if they know what they're talking about. For example, there is a part of the story where a nine year old girl is sitting on her mother's lap and he puts a line in there that says, "and with her left hand she felt the cloth of Sarima's gown until she found a nipple and ran her thumb over it lovingly as if it were a small pet:".
Uh, dude? Just one little thing. Girls don't run their fingers over their mother's nipples like little pets. Mmm kay?
Also, he mentions pee and piss and peeing and pissing about a zillion times. Not necessary. Here I am trying to follow a story line and he ends a paragraph with, "she peed on the floor, and sniffed her urine with satisfaction and disgust.". Great. That's just effing lovely.
Overall, like I said, interesting. Read again? Nah. Don't think so.
Pisser.
There's a big "however" after that last statement though. I really struggle with male authors who write about women and throw in weird little tidbits in their effort to seem as if they know what they're talking about. For example, there is a part of the story where a nine year old girl is sitting on her mother's lap and he puts a line in there that says, "and with her left hand she felt the cloth of Sarima's gown until she found a nipple and ran her thumb over it lovingly as if it were a small pet:".
Uh, dude? Just one little thing. Girls don't run their fingers over their mother's nipples like little pets. Mmm kay?
Also, he mentions pee and piss and peeing and pissing about a zillion times. Not necessary. Here I am trying to follow a story line and he ends a paragraph with, "she peed on the floor, and sniffed her urine with satisfaction and disgust.". Great. That's just effing lovely.
Overall, like I said, interesting. Read again? Nah. Don't think so.
Pisser.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Hostile Iguana
Slacker. That's me. This past month has just flown by and I'm still kind of spinning. Anywho...I'm getting back to my rantings.
So, I'm down in L.A. this week and I'm having really bizarro dreams. Not like the-world-is-being-taken-over-by-an-alien-race-and-we-have-to-plot-our-survival kind of bizarre dream. Nope. More like it's a normal kind of day and I'm sitting in the non-boyfriend's bedroom talking to him when suddenly there is an iguana outside his sliding glass doors. And I freak out. "It's trying to get in!", I say. He looks at me with one eyebrow cocked like I'm crazy and asks, "So?". And in my head I know it's nothing to be scared of but I still really want him to do something about it.
I've never had an iguana in my dreams before so when I woke up this morning I looked it up. This is what the dream dictionary had to say:
Iguana
To see an iguana in your dream, represents harshness, cold-heartedness, fierceness, and inhuman poise. It is an indication of both hostility and unstoppable determination. The iguana may remind you of someone or some situation in your waking life that you find frightening yet awe inspiring.
Um. Hm. Strange enough but...yeah. I don't see the cold-heartedness or hostility but definitely am feeling both frightened and awe inspired.
Of course, it could also be that I just bought a Volkswagon Tiguan (Tiger + Iguana) and iguanas are on my brain.
I personally think the first explaination is more interesting so that's what I'm going with...
So, I'm down in L.A. this week and I'm having really bizarro dreams. Not like the-world-is-being-taken-over-by-an-alien-race-and-we-have-to-plot-our-survival kind of bizarre dream. Nope. More like it's a normal kind of day and I'm sitting in the non-boyfriend's bedroom talking to him when suddenly there is an iguana outside his sliding glass doors. And I freak out. "It's trying to get in!", I say. He looks at me with one eyebrow cocked like I'm crazy and asks, "So?". And in my head I know it's nothing to be scared of but I still really want him to do something about it.
I've never had an iguana in my dreams before so when I woke up this morning I looked it up. This is what the dream dictionary had to say:
Iguana
To see an iguana in your dream, represents harshness, cold-heartedness, fierceness, and inhuman poise. It is an indication of both hostility and unstoppable determination. The iguana may remind you of someone or some situation in your waking life that you find frightening yet awe inspiring.
Um. Hm. Strange enough but...yeah. I don't see the cold-heartedness or hostility but definitely am feeling both frightened and awe inspired.
Of course, it could also be that I just bought a Volkswagon Tiguan (Tiger + Iguana) and iguanas are on my brain.
I personally think the first explaination is more interesting so that's what I'm going with...
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