Brownies

Brownies...the breakfast of champions.

Gah! This is exactly why I cannot bake when living alone. No self control whatsoever.

Maybe I should invest in a shock collar...I'll just wear it when I've baked yummy goodness. Man, I'm a genius!

Matter of fact...I think I'm on to something. It could be the next big thing in the world of weight loss. Instead of going through expensive surgery or buying pills that never work, people could wear my shock collar. It will go off if anything with more that 2 grams of fat come within 6" of it. It will be like negative reinforcement (which we all know is the best kind of reinforcement). I'll call it "Pavlov's Collar". Ha!

Just three easy payments of $29.99! Act now and I'll throw in this handy dandy refrigerator alarm. It'll send a ear drum bursting sound throughout your entire house if you so much as walk into your kitchen past 9pm. No one needs to eat after 9pm, fattie.

I can just see it now...Sarah, the obese millionaire who made her millions keeping America skinny. 'Cause let's be honest, If I'm a millionaire then I'm eating whatever the hell I want. Even brownies for breakfast.