You...you're the single most confusing person I have ever met. You keep coming and going out of my life and I can't see any pattern to it. You constantly make me laugh, you fix my sink in 2 minutes flat without me even asking (which is indescribably sexy for some reason) when for months I've been rigging it the best I could, you take me to dinner and lunch and the movies. You spend the night on my couch. You go to dinner with my dad and me and talk about dark matter and black holes. You tell me that you have no intention of putting time and emotion into this and yet you spend most of your time with me. You don't take advantage of me even though I'm sure you must know that I'm attracted to you. You aren't like every other man I've ever met.
I'm fairly sure that you're only a breeze in my life and I'm not even sure that I want more from you than that but still...still I don't want to not have you around. It's a horribly ambiguous situation and it's more than a little ironic that I'm even entertaining the idea of you considering that I'm the girl that was clamoring for "black & white" a mere 8 months ago from the rebound boy. Now I'm the girl enjoying the gray area...in a very masochistic kind of a way.
The messed up thing is that you probably don't even have any idea that you're doing this to me. You have no idea that I'm dying to know what it'd be like to kiss you, have no idea that I have a raging crush the likes of which I haven't experienced since high school. Have no idea that I am so not that girl who chases after a man who isn't interested. Have no idea that you are the most intriguing and enjoyable person I have met in a very long time.
So for now, for an indeterminable amount of time, I'm here. The girl with the unrequited crush. The girl feeling foolish, silly and vulnerable.
What to do...what to do.
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